Essay

speedyschmidt · Anmeldungsdatum: 09.09.2006 Beiträge: 8

Hallo!

Wäre echt grossartig, wenn einer von euch diesen Textanfang einmal durchlesen und ihn korrigieren könnte. Wenn sich inhaltlich irgendwas beißt, könnt ihr mir das auch sagen.

Hier ist der Text:

At the beginning of the short story Kofi is a 17 year old man, working in agriculture, for special he clears patches and later plants and earns cassava on them. He is a boy with only a bit of willpower. For example, when he talks to his father, about the new bridge (l.137ff) and when his father says, that the story Kofi tells, is not right, he takes it lying down and thinks that he knows nothing of this stuff. Additional at this time he fells in love with Akua, a girl in his neighbourhood. After the arrival of the bridgemen by accident he is chosen as the man, who will be sent to test them. His first job looks like his own job: He has to clear space for the bridgemen their dwellings. That is a very advantageous job. He earns very much and he builds up a relationship to Emmanuel, one of the bridgebuilders.....

Dankeschön!!!

Speedy Tanzen

speedyschmidt · Anmeldungsdatum: 09.09.2006 Beiträge: 8

Das wäre dann der Rest:

...His task at the bridge now becomes more important. He pours concrete and unloads steel. It helps him to become stronger and to get more self-confidence. So he marries Akua. On the other hand he is very sad, because machines begin to uproot the holy groove, he ever loved. When Kofi becomes a mechanic his helper, he is very fascinated of the whole project. But when he realizes, that Emmanuel will left the village after finishing the construction, he does not no, what he will do then.

Summed up I would say, that his career develops phenomenal during the term of bridge building. His personal development does not suffer as well. Only the dependence on the project grows and explains his tragically death.

speedyschmidt · Anmeldungsdatum: 09.09.2006 Beiträge: 8

leicht überarbeitet:

At the beginning of the short-story Kofi is a 17 year old man, working in agriculture, to be exact he clears patches and later he plants and earns cassava on them. He is a boy with only a bit of willpower. For example, when he talks to his father, about the new bridge (l.137ff) and when his father says, Kofi’s story is wrong, he takes it lying down and thinks that he knows nothing of that stuff. Additional at this time he fells in love with Akua, a girl in his neighbourhood.

After the arrival of the bridgemen by accident he is chosen as the man, who will be sent to test them. His first job looks like his own job: He has to clear space for the bridgemen’s dwellings. That is a very advantageous job. He earns very much money and he builds up a relationship to Emmanuel, one of the bridgebuilders. His task at the bridge now becomes more important. He pours concrete and unloads steel. It helps him to become stronger and to get more self-confidence. So he marries Akua. On the other hand he is very sad, because the machines begin to uproot the holy groove, he ever loved. When Kofi becomes a mechanic’s helper, he is very fascinated of the whole venture. But when he realizes, that Emmanuel will left the village after finishing the construction, he wonders what to do next.

Summed up I would say, that his career develops phenomenal during the term of bridgebuilding. His personal development does not suffer as well. Only the dependence on the project grows and explains his tragically death.

Goldenhind · Ehrenmoderator Anmeldungsdatum: 17.08.2006 Beiträge: 399

Mit "earns" meinst du wohl "ernten"? Das heißt aber "harvest"...
Das Komma nach "father" muss weg.
Was meinst du mit "he takes it lying down"?
Es muss "additionally" heißen (Adverb).
Es heißt "falls" nicht "fells".
Es heißt "...that Emmanuel will leave the village" (nach "will" immer Infinitiv).
"Phenomenally" nicht "phenomenal".
Willst du sagen "seine persönliche Entwicklung leidet auch nicht"? Dann musst du "either" anstatt von "as well" benutzen (aufgrund der Verneinung).
"Tragical Death" nicht "tragically".
Den Unterschied zwischen Adjektiven und Adverbien und wann man was benutzt, soltlest du dir noch einmal ansehen...